Mixed Emotions

I'm helpless. But people won't believe that cause every person can help himself. No one can help you but yourself.

Be yourself. I am. But the people around dictates who I am and I'm changing without me knowing. I'm trying to be one but 'm being compared. I want to be myself but it doesn’t really go along with where I come from. It's pointless.

I'm deprived. I wanted to do something  but there's no opportunity for me to do it. Plus having no support from people around makes me feel down.

I am not trusted. I am being questioned of the things I do even if I spent hard times doing it. My tasks are small and I don't  even know if my outputs are useful.

I am intimidated. People around are better than me and I feel so small. They seem to be prying on me to fail.

I lost motivation. I don't know if I like what I'm doing anymore. I feel confused and empty.

Friends are fleeting. The friends I've known for months are slowly going away. I'm losing my circle of friends.

Something sucked all my positive vibes. I now hear people say negative things, I see people  criticizing people. The people that I try to think of positive things about, now seem to be mean and naïve.

I lost that smile. People see me as a happy person, at least I need to maintain that impression. However,  to bring back that real smile takes time.

I don't know if there's a person who will like me back. Petty so petty. But if I have just one person by my side maybe I will feel at ease. I need to extend my patience or else I'm going to fall for the wrong one.

No one will understand me. Hence the reason for writing this down. This is harder to say than write. I find it arduous to explain things because it'll just make it more complicated.

I can move on. That's the silver lining there. Despite all this I know I can get out of this. I'm just trapped in a maze, taking my time finding the way out.