Oct 1, 2021

I'm broken and I still am

I remember the time when I would mope at my own discrepancies. Then, I realized that it was actually the people I was surrounded with that made me feel that way.

The egoistic, individualistic culture and toxic criticisms killed all the hopes that I had. It wasn’t a good sign. I left.

But you know, when you have your fill of worst things, you view things differently. You doubt people a lot. Trust is lost. The kindness and generosity I received the past years felt like something I did not deserve. And that in some way, somehow, there is something in it for exchange. I wasn’t happy. I was lost. I sulked at the thought of what-ifs. 

I realized how broken I was. The pain I carried for so many years was burrowing a hole inside me. I was never healed; I just pretended to be. And I still am.

Jun 30, 2021

What we want

Maybe we are not meant for those who are fleeting and passing - when only a portion of ourselves they've come to know. 

In the end, we only want those who have seen our worst and torn selves to be part of our lives.

Jun 23, 2021

How fucked up am I?

How fucked up am I?

I’ve been, ever since pain got me and deliberately hit me continuously. I remember running away from it rather than facing it head-on. But escaping from it doesn’t happen all the time because, in the end, it traps me. 

Jun 15, 2021

You asked

What is so interesting about your dark and confusing world, you asked?

Maybe, because I can resonate with it so much. And that despite your dark world you manage to thrive. I have this unconventional attraction to those who are in the emotional abyss. I feel like I can dive freely into that deep and complicated emotions - soak myself in it until I get enough. 

Mar 28, 2021

What passion truly means


You see, as a person who does or categorizes things in both extremes (like it or not), I struggle to be passionate about things I don't like doing. Ooohh if you find me doing things just fine, I might be pretending or faking it (lols) just to get by.

This statement of Francis Kong is something worth pondering about:

"Passion isn't about what you like or love to do. That could be a hobby. Passion is about doing the things you do excellently and even though at times you may not even feel like doing it."