Blogging personally

I've written personal posts lately as I struggle to understand what is going on my mind. You'll read posts of how down I am and how I see the world so negatively (opposed to what this blog should be, forgive me). Nothing to worry about it though, I'm fine. I'm just passing the quarter life crisis where you overthink things quite often. 

Mixed Emotions

I'm helpless. But people won't believe that cause every person can help himself. No one can help you but yourself.

Be yourself. I am. But the people around dictates who I am and I'm changing without me knowing. I'm trying to be one but 'm being compared. I want to be myself but it doesn’t really go along with where I come from. It's pointless.

I'm deprived. I wanted to do something  but there's no opportunity for me to do it. Plus having no support from people around makes me feel down.

I am not trusted. I am being questioned of the things I do even if I spent hard times doing it. My tasks are small and I don't  even know if my outputs are useful.

I am intimidated. People around are better than me and I feel so small. They seem to be prying on me to fail.

I lost motivation. I don't know if I like what I'm doing anymore. I feel confused and empty.

Friends are fleeting. The friends I've known for months are slowly going away. I'm losing my circle of friends.

Something sucked all my positive vibes. I now hear people say negative things, I see people  criticizing people. The people that I try to think of positive things about, now seem to be mean and naïve.

I lost that smile. People see me as a happy person, at least I need to maintain that impression. However,  to bring back that real smile takes time.

I don't know if there's a person who will like me back. Petty so petty. But if I have just one person by my side maybe I will feel at ease. I need to extend my patience or else I'm going to fall for the wrong one.

No one will understand me. Hence the reason for writing this down. This is harder to say than write. I find it arduous to explain things because it'll just make it more complicated.

I can move on. That's the silver lining there. Despite all this I know I can get out of this. I'm just trapped in a maze, taking my time finding the way out.

My Day off Work

I have noticed quite a few things lately.

I stepped inside a café, and for the first time ordered a hot tea paired with the cheesy fries. It goes well with it, while I buried myself on my phone reading other people's fb posts and mine.

At a distant, I can hear this cute little boy speaking straight english entertaining customers. I just laugh at the scene of it. Awesome kid. And there is this young couple by  my side giggling at each other. At a 10 o' clock direction are girl friends with a monopod, taking pictures of their moments together.

I was just right there, taking my time. The only person who can take notice is the waiter who knows me well as I frequent there.

I'm  loving the idea of being a stranger. Aside from having freedom, you see people in a different way. Sometimes smiling at a stranger feels like an act of kindness already- it's gratifying.

Maybe I spent almost an hour enjoying the privilege of connecting to a free wifi. That's one thing good about cafes, by the way. I took off and headed to this barbecue place I love. People are waiting, but regardless, my order came in first as I ordered less. New customers kept asking for isaw or chicken intestine (this is not disgusting, it's yummy), it's their specialty. But the husband owner says it's sold out but the wife owner said it's available. I heard them argue for a moment, I can sense that the husband is dominant and quick tempered for being angry to such a petty matter. A bit humiliated, the wife just smiled at me and I smiled back to make her feel what I heard is nothing. I remember the husband said something bad. Such a ghastly husband.

Back to the customers. A bunch of guys came to order. I must say, good-looking guys who would not notice but envy beautiful girls that might pass by. They talk in such a high pitch manner, and I was listening. I took my order and left thinking, these guys are such a waste. World is changing and people around are oddly changing too.  

Arabela in Liliw, Laguna

I'm not a fan of Italian pastas. However, I like pastas cooked in Filipino way. My palate is very much accustomed to the sweet and sour taste of Filipino cuisine, that eating the opposite would be a great adjustment. And, indeed, it was. But I didn't regret dining in this place. I am always amazed by how I manage to change my perception on things by giving it a try.

Both sides are line of shoe stores. It was raining the time we were there but that didn't stop us from checking every stores

As a first timer in Liliw, Laguna, there's not much to see but the array of shoe stores in every street corner. Liliw is a quite secluded town which is famous for the cheapest and durable shoes. It can be a hassle to go there if you don't have a private car. So if by any chance you happen to drop by, you need to grab the opportunity to buy any shoes you want. That's what people told me.

Yet going with the person who frequents there, I've known that it is not just the shoes that this place can be known for. He brought us to this cute little family resto that offers pastries and pastas.

This is just to show you how low the ceiling is. 

For a bit of history, the place was just an underground of the house converted into one decent resto. You'll find how low the ceiling is once you go inside. But that what makes it so cute.

There were lots of pastas to choose from, but I went with his suggestion to be safe.  

We all had a sort-of chicken pasta (forgot what exactly it's called) and frappe. But with only an hour given to us to go around and buy, we just had a limited time to finish our orders. I ate mine in just 10 minutes or so but we still ended up being late. Everybody was waiting for us and got a bit jelly for only having ourselves eat there.

Here are some of the things on their menu. Their price starts from P200 up.

 The so-called chicken pasta.

Frappe

Knowing that this resto has long been existing, there were lots of reviews about it, not only in the net but also in leading newspapers. 

A compilation of newpaper articles about the resto.

It's wise to make a reservation ahead of time  because sometimes it gets so full. We were lucky that there were only few customers when we were there. ;D

That moment…queer moment

Queer. Life gives us that moment. When we laugh at somebody's nonsensical jokes, when we tend not to love those who love us, when we get things we don't even want, when your dreams are in somebody else's who don't even value it. The list goes on…

Most people say, "that's life", but yeah what a crap! They sounded like it is a dead end, like you can get by with it because that definitely happens. It absolutely happens, but it doesn't mean you can't do anything about it. Maybe some say it in a very optimistic sense though, which is quite good cause they may know a leeway in case everything fails.  I just don't like people telling me that, it doesn't sound emphatic rather sarcastic. Perhaps, it depends on who says it.

A test of character

We always meet someone that will test our character. Someone that will make you do anything, that never in your life you thought you'll be doing. But just like a pencil with its sharpener, our life gives us people that will make us know ourselves better and grow from what we once were.

When I met mine, t' was probably one of the hard times. I was caught off-guard, trapped with the people completely opposite myself. I call it character suicide, cause I'm indulging myself into a situation I haven’t even mastered yet. But, indeed, instantly throwing yourself into a deep pool will make you learn how to swim.  I thought to myself, I wanted this so there is no turning back and might as well enjoy the rough ride. And in every rough ride, is a very satisfying feeling in the end.

That was a complete out-of-the-comfort-zone I've done so far - and it gave me lots of experience that I couldn't have had if I stayed the same. Everything just takes a leap of faith, and a certain mind to do it. We need to get used to the bitter times cause life will never offer every flavor of sweetness the whole time.  You need  to have every kind of flavor there is to taste that wonderful life. 

This is my lead

Maybe it is difficult to reconcile old beliefs with new ones, because having a new perspective in life will either make other people support what you believe in or turn their back.

Leaving old beliefs that hinder you to a lot of things, is a way to recognize your ability to grow as a person. It is a courage that everyone has to make at some point in their lives.

But beliefs associate you with people, and once you changed yours they may follow and understand or completely make a stand of what they believe in. That happens. But what's dreadful is, you discover how unreceptive some of them are.  That no matter how you understand them, they won't understand you back. How you wish they can be as open-minded as you are but they are not. You see them trapped in their own little world, attached to status quo.

I'm trying to get away from the usual norm, the norm where status dictate where you fit in. We are born to think, what we like, what we want and what we see right for us. If some situation seem to hinder that at least you tried to get what you want - and that's what matters. It may seem suicide, but it is one of the truths we need to face. We need to live like we lived. If for some time I have thought society is ruling  my life, now I will take my lead. I am the captain of my life.

Thai Food

Meeting an adventurous friend, can be a great time to explore new food. So we have agreed to have a dinner in a Thai resto in Trinoma out of gusto. I suppose it was a newly opened one considering the furniture and signage.

A classy interior you'll find there.

It took me minutes to choose my order since I'm not familiar with the foods' names so I had to look at the photos for something that is yummy. We ended up ordering these…

Looked like a fresh lumpia to me. But it isn't, the wrapper is different.

Now this is like the omelete with noodles inside.

The sauce. Quite Filipino ey?

Generally, South East Asian cuisine can be that similar to each other but every country still has their distinction. With Thai food, I don't find it hard to adjust with the taste. I'm just amaze by how they put lots of pepper on food. Regardless of that, I think I can live in Thailand. hahahaha